Monday, 19 December 2011

Dating, Intimacy and Sexuality Week 3, 1.3

How far does a partner need to go online before it's considered cheating?  Is flirting acceptable? Is cybersex real?

These questions highlight that activity on the internet is similar to any other activity away from the internet.  When we do anything we bring to it our own set of ideals and values, and they may well be different to others.

Some of the student discussion around this agreed that it depends on the people involved and the boundaries set.  The word 'guilt' popped up, but, cheating doesn't depend on someone feeling guilty; their nature may mean they feel no guilt at all about behaving in that way.  However, if the user feels the need to be secretive or deceptive about their activity it's likely that would be considered cheating.  The hurt can be as intense online as offline. 

Flirting on the other hand is a little greyer: what one person considers flirting may not be to the other.  Each person brings their own influences (or agenda) to the way they interpret another's actions; what one person intends to be sarcasm another may perceive it as an insult.  Pascoe (2009) mentions that the teens researched are very careful to make what they're writing 'say' exactly what they mean it to.

When participating in online activity users need to always have in mind that what they say and do may be interpreted by others differently.  If you already know someone offline this may be less of an issue; although, if they have a reputation for being flighty it could be exacerbated online.

I remember some of my first chats online and one of the first questions asked was 'a/s/l?' - for age/sex/location?  I found this quite confronting, particularly because I felt it was almost irrelevant or that the person might change their behaviour based on what I told them.



Pascoe, C.J. (2009). Intimacy in Mizuko, I et. al. Hanging Out, Messing Around, Geeking Out: Living and Learning with New Media. Available from http://digitalyouth.ischool.berkeley.edu/book-intimacy

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